escaping from the stresses of college.

Why is it that at throughout our lives we hit "highs and low". there are periods in your life where your completely motivated to achieve your aspirations, but there are also periods where getting out of bed and putting pants on is your greatest struggle. I used to get up everyday and do my hair, dress up, and make breakfast all before school. Now I cant find the motivation to get out of bed before 7:20, and when I do get out of bed sweat pants are the way to go, and I've cut my hair short enough that I dont have to do anything to it anymore.

When starting this semester I was all excited for a new chapter of my life. Keeping up on homework before was no problem, making sure I paid attention in class every day and wrote in class notes, and even studying was not nearly as hard as it is now. There are days where I have no drive and literally just lay in bed just pondering life and where I'm going within it.

Every little thing can so easily transformed into a escape from the real world. Facebook, window shopping, and believe it or not reading. I have always used Facebook as the "I'll start my assignment after I update my status" but it never ends up working that way. You end up burning through a good hour and a half mindlessly trolling and lurking on people's Facebook pages. Being a broke college student who at one time practiced the art of "retail therapy" now having no money all the time I've resorted to window shopping ( and the occasional thrift shop binge). Even reading online articles on www.stumbleupon.com is a scapegoat for my homework. stumbling upon random articles from owls to mens health makes me feel more productive than doing my school work.

I hope this is just a rut that I'm in that others have experienced at some point in time. Everybody finds some form of sick and twisted relief knowing someone else struggles with the same issues.

Mothers

Our mothers have taken on many roles as we grow up from being the doctor who fixes our scratches and bruises,  the chef that made our mac n cheese, our counselors who gives us advice, and our teacher who taught us right from wrong. This being said every mother dies just a little inside just thinking of the day their child moves out.

The goal is for me to move out of my house and be in my own place as of next July, this being said my mother and I have been slowly shopping for things I'm going to need around the house such as silverware, chairs, a couch, ect. When I made the first appointment for an apartment showing she started crying over the phone when I told her the date. She said that this is going to be really hard for her and it wont get any easier as the days slowly dwindle. Guilt ridden and stressed its really hard for me to find enjoyment in thrift shopping with my mother, with every piece purchased I can see my mother sink into herself just a little more. With every swipe across the check out she know's I'm one step further away from leaving the nest. 

Even though the move out day is over half a year away she is already to the point of every time I give her a hug she gets teary eyed and overwhelmed with the sniffles, probably doesn't help that my older sister is starting to go through the process of being on her own. I can only imagine it being one thing for a mother to give one child the little push they need to fly out of the nest, but both children wanting to fly the coop on their own around the exact same time.....talk about abandonment. If it was up to my mother she would rather "us two live with her until she dies". Which I think would hold in court as a plead for insanity if my sister or I ever went off the deep end. 

Being adopted I can only imagine it must be that much harder for my mother than a normal mother. She tried to have children but found out she couldn't. She didn't give up and was determined to have children; biological or not. Flew all the way to Romania and back, twice! went through all the legal banter of becoming an adopted mother. Taught us to speak English, took us to our first day of school, molded us as we grew and developed, sat their and cried at our graduations, and now taking the back seat as we take off starting our own lives.

For this I say thank you mom, biological or not; I couldn't wish for a better mother.